*W0RD V0MiT/}

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forever yours

why won't you be my blue skies,

so i can be your sunshine.

you'll be my horizon,

i'll come to you every night.

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navigations are the fours lines of lyrics. they are profile, entries, tagboard and links.	Friday, December 25, 2009, 3:49 AM Christmastime. Merry Christmas to everyone! Happy holidays. Christmas Eve and Christmas are the two days of the year that I don't deal with ANYTHING. And I really mean that, no drama, no problems, no bull, NOTHING. Everything can wait til these two days are over. Christmastime just brings me at a calm- I feel closer to God, to my family, and just enjoying everything around me. But today, yes today, 3:30AM on Christmas day, is just one of those days that don't start off well. Getting so worked up about such a little incident that happened makes me unhappy. So I've decided- live by what I said- don't deal with it, at least not today. With Christmas, I've been given some much to be thankful for. After shopping with my mom at Walmart, my mom&I donated some money to the Salvation Army. For the first time in a long while- I really got that warm, giving feeling. I know it sounds weird, but for everytime I smiled and said Merry Christmas to someone, I felt like I was passing on joy. No matter what I'm doing these two days, whether it be something considered 'stupid' or just having fun- I honestly have no words to describe this feeling. For all of my friends that went on Winter Retreat, I've heard so many stories. I wish I could've been there- to release and hear all those stories&pains. Emotions run wild and they get bottled up, even if you don't notice it. I'm proud of everyone that made the experience. And even for people like me, who didn't go to WR, it's a good time to release all of that pain and everything else before the new year. Although it's only been 3 hours into the day, I've been inspired by two people GREATLY today. "If anyone ever tells you you can't do anything, prove them wrong. They're just holding you back with words, and words don't mean anything to me." I thought about this for a long time, and I'm still thinking about it. It's true I try to reason with EVERYTHING sometimes. This is a little irrelevant, but you know how it's difficult to be COMPLETELY independent from everything, because then you'd just be, well, alone. Perhaps there is a way. This new quote that I find highly inspirational right now, I believe in. So for that, I thank you. Another thing is that I've learned is that through smiles- miracles come true. To inspire others- to instill joy within people- I really believe it's a talent. Even when I'm having a bad day, I just hope that I can make today a good day for someone else. A different quote from a second very inspirational person says, "Be confident in your skills; otherwise, you can't share that positive energy with others." Something- ANYTHING that you may do may bring happiness to someone else. Sometimes I lack confidence. I don't believe in myself as much as I wish I could or appear to. But I know in my heart- I want to make people happy, and really, I think I can. But I now know I can do an even better job with confidence. Thank you guys. Personally, I've been having a confusing and difficult couple weeks. I think everything is starting to settle down. But I think maybe I should really just wake up, sit in front of my desk with a blank sheet of paper, and write- just get it ALL out- my first thoughts, everything. Venting and ranting, everything else- it just doesn't seem to help sometimes. A while ago, I spoke with God. I believe that God will get me through this little rough patch I'm having. I know that confession and even just being able to release EVERYTHING is helpful. It sounds silly, but I think that everytime I speak with God or share a secret with Him, our bond grows stronger. Today is a day to enjoy with your family, friends, and loved ones. Today is a day where nothing else matters, so just smile&be happy. Enjoy the rest of the holiday season and the year, as a matter of fact. Take care, guys. Stay strong! Saturday, December 19, 2009, 12:10 AM Just something interesting that happened recently: "You smile too much." Yeah, I know I do. The reason I smile is because well simply put, why not? Maybe I'm not always happy, but it gets me through what I need to get through. Radiating happiness is better than radiating sadness. No, I'm not masking my emotions, but I like to think that maybe I can make someone else smile a true, genuine smile. I think a smile is the best present a person can gave. It means so much- happiness, joy, glee, excitement, etc. I smile because I always have a reason. With everyone around me, all these lovely people, why am I NOT smiling every moment I possibly can? Anyways. . . Happy Holidays, everyone! I'm so happy that I'm actually going to start keeping up with my blog now that finals and tests are over (watch me not blog again until next year, lol). So congratulations to everyone for getting through hell week aka. finals, haha. I started getting sick these past few days and started thinking about A LOT of things. Maybe when my nose gets conjested, my brain does too. A couple days ago, I realized that my relationship with so many people have changed. Do you realize that as time progresses, friendships, relationships, family-relationships, etc. they all change. They're different from whatever they started from. I'm not sure if I like this change or not, but I'm beginning to see it clearly. I personally don't notice differences and changes because it's a day-to-day thing, slow progression I guess. Take for example my friendship with someone who I care about. Around two months ago, this person was an amazing friend and everything. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't care as much or something. It's like this person is starting to strangle my every pet peeve. I honestly don't know why, and it's not like I've neglected the relationship either. (Romantic) Relationships. The common saying: Too young to know what love is. I believe that 'kids' can fall in love. It's a rare thing and not something to be taken lightly, but I believe in it. I know that most people just want happiness out of a relationship. A while back, someone told me that love is greater than happiness. Love is this incredible, unrealistic ____. I left it blank because love is not a thing. No one can really tell you what it is. Even when it’s frozen still, The fragile heart beats fast, Keeping balance by holding onto something, I stutter, Say things that embarrass myself, And I don't mean to, But your presence speeds and slows my heart all at once. What is love? Is it the feeling you that gets your palms sweaty, Making your heart accelerate at the speed of light, And hearing nothing but the echoes of that one person's voice? The love you can't have lasts the longest, Feels the strongest, And hurts the most. It's when you stare and say, "Why can't I just forget you?" after a painful heartbreak. Love cannot be written, Love cannot be defined, Love is learning to find the right one, It's not about money, It's not about material objects, And it's not about the things you give, Or it's not about the words you say. If you've ignored your own needs, Sacrificed your own happiness for the one you love, Then you know what love is. I wrote that poem thing for some poetry project a couple years ago. I look back on it now. I'm not sure if I believe in love. Well, I do believe in love and I'm not afraid of it. But, when someone told me never to settle until it's love- I kind of wonder- just when will I know when that is? I still don't know. Curiosity kills the cat- yeah, I think I'm the cat right now (lol). It's the end of the year and I'm starting to get tired. Not just physically, but mentally worn out as well. I'm tired of hearing pitiful things, of things of unimportance, and things that are filled with lies. I'm tired of old cliches you hear from a movie. I see so many people going around saying forever and other words. People throw around words so easily. I miss you, I love you, I hate you, etc. I'll admit- I'm probably one of those people who abuse words like 'cute, hate, completely, etc.' What's the point of saying something you don't really mean or don't completely understand? I mean honestly, saying something even one time just deteriorates the value of it. I can't remember the last time I just did something because I wanted it more than anything else, regardless of whatever anyone else said. But I think right now, I'm going to do some things for myself that I really need. I just need to take a step back from the world and just relax and stop overthinking. "Today you are you, that is truer than true, there is no one alive that is youer than you." Sunday, December 13, 2009, 7:22 PM I get so lazy when it comes to my blog. I should really try to update more often. So I never got to share my Thanksgiving list of all the reason I'm thankful for, and honestly, there are a lot of things I am incredibly beyond thankful for. However, I don't have patience to redo that humungo list sitting inside my ipod which is underneath my pillow at home (currently residing at my dad's house). So I really have a few things to share. I haven't been to my dad's house since the end of October. I find that so ridiculous because he only lives 10 minutes away you know? But last month I was so swamped in preparing for the dance performance and school that I just didn't come visit. It makes me feel like a bad daughter almost. Yet, my dad and stepmom are completely understanding and I'm glad for that. I've also had some rocky bumps with relationships lately. Not romantically- I mean any relationship. I think that I take the relationships that I know the best the most forgranted because I know it's always there. I forget that I have to nurture and care for it just as much as I have to for a new relationship. And another thing is that sometimes relationships just don't grow or they stop growing. Then I feel like I'm at a stalement, not quite sure what to do. But I will continue to pursue my friendships and such until I'm finally at a broken point because I don't think I'd ever want to take anything forgranted. Well, I think today's post revolves around a lot of things. Humans act on impulse. Human behavior is unpredictable. I just wonder so much why this is. It sounds like a stupid question, but wouldn't the world be so much easier if everyone just thought logically? But then that would make for a pretty boring world, too. I guess what I'm saying is that relationships become complicated because of impulse and unpredictability. Honestly, what makes more sense- a stable, loving relationship or some impulsive, but attractive fling? Yeah when you say it outloud, the choice may be obvious, but when you're caught in the decision- things are different. I just wonder about human logic a lot. Maybe becoming a psychologist and being able to the study the brain was meant for me after all, haha. Another thing pertaining to myself really. I went back through a lot of my chat histories, old writings, notes in my ipod, and even photos. I've realized that not only have I changed through looks (mainly hair, lol) but my beliefs have changed. I'm learning right now, this very second. I'm learning something called control. But that's not the point. The point is that because of the new friendships I've made- I've changed just a little bit. I think I'm no longer as affected by other people as I once was. And I think that I'm finally satisfied with who I am. I am okay with being imperfect. I am okay with a lot of things. I've realized that I don't need to make excuses for myself or for other people. If I don't want something, then it's done. I can't be weak all the time. I can't rely on other people always because the people you rely on, rely on others as well. Sometimes you just gotta stand up and learn for yourself. So Christmas is nearing. I think this is going to be a memorable one. I'm very much into the Christmas spirit. I don't care so much for gifts or anything anymore. I remember this time last year I was off spending some $200 on gifts for my friends. But this year, I want to be thoughtful with my gifts. I don't want to buy everyone those little Bath&Body Works sets that everyone gets. I don't want or expect anything for Christmas. Actually, no- I expect something. I expect that this Christmas I will learn something. I've always believed that God has some big lesson in stored for each and every person. I believe that this lesson is always different. But I believe that God will share this lesson with each person one day. One last thing to share. In class, we did this Post-Secret thing for lang. I've known about Post-Secret for about two years now. It's an amazing project. After everyone in my class turned in their cards and my teacher made a wall, I came to realize that 90% of the cards dealt with romantic love or best friends or a mixture of both. My first gut reaction was this- how can a group of 15, 16, and 17 year olds think that they know what love is? Love shouldn't be taken so lightly. When you give it away, you can't take it back. I honestly believe that people overuse and abuse this term so much. I myself say I love you a lot. But I say it to friends and yes I indeed DO love my friends- in a friend way. Romantically, not so much. I think this term is something very precious. If I asked for a definition, eveyone would have a different view of it probably. If this one word is so powerful, why is it so overused and abused? This post was filled with my million rants and things I've been thinking about lately, haha. Well, Christmas is near. Good luck to everyone on their upcoming finals/midterms (whatever you guys call them). Keep warm and take care. Remember that the little things in life are the ones that we take forgranted the most. So everyone once in a while, just step back. I know that everyone is always about the 'big picture.' But once in a while, just look at the little details that make up the big picture because without them- there would be no big picture anyways.		thedeceptionist Vanity isn't a sin, a little narcissm wouldn't hurt. Don't worry about my name. Don't worry about what I look like. Don't worry about how old I am. Just worry about who I am.		partnersincrime postsecret yaymonday magazinejunkie boingboing wheni'mgone + May 2009 + July 2009 + August 2009 + September 2009 + October 2009 + November 2009 + December 2009 takeabow Edited and re-coded by Jenny (me). An accidentality production Inspiration from DancingSheep & BONBON:D		theventingmachine